Guns and No Roses.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Ninety-one years ago today, St. Valentine’s Day as it was known then, wasn’t so happy in Chicago.  A mass murder, labeled the Valentine’s Day Massacre, was executed after significant planning.

The year was 1929 and prohibition laws ruled the land.  And, Al Capone ruled Chicago.  But George “Bugs” Moran and his northside Irish gang wanted more than what Capone thought was his fair share of the lucrative bootleg booze biz.

Capone escaped the winters of Chicago by living in Miami for the season.  While down there his right-hand man, Jack ” Machine Gun” McGurn, visited and together they crafted a plan to squash Bugs and his gang. Capone ordered the Detroit “Purple Gang” to handle this so that no one in Chicago could identify them.

The plan included a stolen police car and two stolen police uniforms, and two lookouts.  A planted bootlegger was expected to enter the premises at 10:30 AM to sell some stolen liquor to the eager Moran.  The lookouts thought they saw Bugs enter into the North Clark St. gang headquarters then and signaled so.

Two Detroit gang members entered posing as cops.  Two others entered in plain clothes.  Bugs’ gang believed that this was just another police shakedown and cooperated by lining up against a wall and surrendering their guns.  The four proceeded to riddle the seven inside with multiple gunshot wounds.  All of them died.

But, none of them were Bugs Moran.  He arrived a few minutes later and stayed a safe distance away also believing it to be just another police money shakedown.

After the massacre, the two posing as cops walked out, guns pointed at the two others who participated and now were posing as arrested gang members with their hands held high.  And, off they drove.

The massacre drew national headlines and is thought to be the catalyst to get the reluctant FBI involved in gang warfare.

Witnesses were interviewed.  Many mistakenly identified local policemen who were nowhere near at the time.  Suspects were interrogated.  No one was ever arrested.

Bugs Moran survived by being late for a meeting.  But the statement made was understood loud and clear.

Capone had the perfect alibi.  He was living large in sunny Miami.  And, from afar his legend grew even larger.

Lefty and Shorty- Hopeless Romantics

If Lefty and Shorty were still with us early this morning might have unfolded like this.

Lefty and Shorty sat quietly in the quite cool but early spring air.  It was only 5:30 AM, and cars were nowhere to be found.  Lefty- Why do we open up so early?  Shorty- So that we can discuss what the meaning of Valentine’s Day is of course.

Lefty sat to the left of Shorty.  Imagine that.  Shorty sat on the shorter of the two “halves” of the 55 gallon drum. Imagine that.  Each were cut down to size and retrofitted with a soft cushion top.  Lefty looked confused-very.

Lefty- Why do you even bring that up today?  Shorty-Because today is Valentine’s Day.  Lefty looked at Shorty like a mechanic does to a blown engine.  Lefty-It is?  Shorty- Yes, it is. Lefty- No wonder I got the cold shoulder this AM. Shorty- You forgot to say Happy Valentine’s Day to Mrs. Lefty? Lefty- Um, yea.

Shorty- You better stop on your way home tonight and get her some chocolates and flowers.  Lefty- Flowers are worthless.  Shorty- Not to women, they have different sized vases for most any arrangement, and they know right where they are.  Lefty- And, she doesn’t need any chocolates. Shorty- Need has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day.  Lefty- It should.  Shorty- Trust me.

Lefty- Does your wife ever ask if the dress she is considering wearing makes her look fat?  Shorty- It’s the ultimate no win answer and its times 5 dangerous today.  Lefty- How do you answer?  Shorty- I pretend not to hear the question these days.  Lefty- Why?  Shorty- Once I told her ‘no, it’s all of the chocolates that you eat that does.’  Lefty- How did that go over?  Shorty- Not too good.  I wound up having to buy her flowers and chocolates to smooth it over.  Shorty- I guess I better do the same later today.  Lefty- Don’t forget the heartfelt card too or she’ll save that nugget and you’ll hear about it between now and roughly Memorial Day.

Shorty- At least MLB pitchers and catchers report to spring training today.