Ok, it’s time for Congressional Jeopardy. Welcome, everyone! What a great group of contestants we have today. Let’s get started.
Madame Speaker, please select.
“I’ll take Marketing 101 for $100.”
This game-changing business owner famously declared “focus groups are worthless, we know what our consumers want more than they do.”
Senator Manchin buzzes in. “Who is Steve Jobs?”
“Correct, and boy was he, please select.”
“Marketing 101 for $200”
“This American President famously believes he knows more about what Americans want than they do.”
Rep Jayapal buzzes in. “Who is President Joe Biden?”
“Correct. Unfortunate. But, correct. Please select.”
“How about Campaign Slogans for $100.”
“The date that “Build Back Better” got reduced to “Better Not Build Back.”
Senator Manchin.
“What was Tuesday?”
Correct again, please select.
“Let’s take Now What? for $100.”
And the clue is, ha, well, “Now What?”
Jayapal. “Spend more?”
“In the form of a question, please.”
“What is spend more and offer a free chicken in every pot?”
No sorry.
Madame Speaker buzzes. “What is blame Trump?”
No sorry. “Impeach Trump?” No, still sorry.
Senator Manchin, do you want to take a shot?
“What is you better pay attention to what Virginia just told you.”
Correct. Select again. We have but a minute remaining in Double Jeopardy.
Let’s take “All things Minnesota” for $1000.
The clue is, “enough of this nonsense already.”
Senator Manchin. “What is the police defund just got a refund.”
“Correct.” Bahhhhh. “Time is up. We see Manchin in the lead with $12,000, Madam Speaker with $2,000, and unfortunately Rep Jayapal with -$200 which makes you unable to play Final Jeopardy.
Jayapal asks, “why not?” Alex Trebek’s fill-in responds, “you actually have to have your own money to risk money. And the category today is Famous Bills. We’ll be back after this commercial word.”
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“Welcome back to Final Jeopardy, the category again is famous Bills, and the clue is, “This Bill now carries a price tag of somewhere between $1.7 and $3.5 trillion dollars?” “Good luck.”
Do do do, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah doo, doo doo doo, dum, dum, dum. Pens down, please.
“We go now to Madame Pelosi. Let’s see what she wrote. ‘What’s the cost of paying off all of Bill Clinton’s dalliances?’ No sorry. How much did you wager?”
“I wagered $1,000,000.” Well, you only had $2,000, so I’m not sure how you can do that.”
“I’m the Speaker, I can do anything I want.”
“And to Senator Manchin. He wrote, ‘The Reconciliation Bill, vote for it and America will vote you out in 2022.'”
“CORRECT.” Let’s see how much you wagered? “Your entire political career!”
And Senator Manchin you are our Congressional Jeopardy Champion!
Congratulations!”
doo, doo, doo, dah, dah, dah…