If Lefty and Shorty were still with us their early morning banter might have gone like this.

Lefty and Shorty sat quietly in the still, humid, summer night air.  It was after 2 AM on their graveyard shift and cars were nowhere to be found.  Lefty- Why did we stay open 24 hours Shorty?  Shorty- So that we can discuss how the first of two Democratic Party debates went last evening.  It was a graveyard for many nominee hopefuls.

Lefty sat to the left of Shorty.  Imagine that.  Shorty sat on the shorter of the two “halves” of the 55 gallon drum. Imagine that.  Each were cut down to size and retrofitted with a soft cushion top.

Lefty- So you watched the two hour debate?  Shorty- Most of it.  I was flipping back and forth with the Commodores.

Lefty- What do you mean?  You were watching an old school concert, too?  Shorty- No.  The Vanderbilt Commodores won the NCAA Baseball National Championship.   Lefty– Oh.  OK.  I guess two straight hours with ten wanna be’s is indeed taxing.  Shorty– Don’t bring up taxing.  I heard it enough last night.  And, “straight” is an insensitive word.

Lefty- What did you think of the MSNBC and NBC broadcast?  Shorty- It was fine except when they had technical difficulties and had to cut away.  That was weird.  Lefty- The hot mics went cold and the cold mics ran hot.  Shorty-Climate change?  Lefty- Oh please.  Shorty- Was it the Russian interference they have all been talking about for two years?  Lefty-Oh please.  Shorty-Maybe Nadler can add it to his list of questions for the July 17 Mueller testimony.

Lefty- Ahem.  So what did you think of the polling leader in this first group, Elizabeth Warren?  Shorty- Well, at least when she spoke she did so in her native (American) tongue.  Lefty- Huh?  Shorty- Well Beto and Booker decided to spend half of their ten minutes of fame practicing their Rosetta Stone Spanish.  Lefty-It was televised on Telemundo as well.  Shorty– Don’t they have closed captioned translating English to Spanish?

Lefty- Good grief.  Moving on, how about Ohio Rep Tim Ryan?  Shorty- If Tim Ryan fell in a forest and no one heard it, would it be sound?  Lefty- This is going well. Shorty-Saving Rep Ryan isn’t coming to a theater near you soon.  Lefty- Did you like any performance?  Shorty- I thought NY Mayor Bill DeBlasio stood tall.  Lefty- Interesting.  Shorty- He must be at least six foot four, and he proved that he is no paper straw man.

Lefty- Former Maryland Rep John Delaney seemed reasonable.  Shorty- He did.  He just looks too much like Tim Conway.  Dorf on debate.  Lefty- You’re irascible Shorty.  Shorty- At least I don’t look and sound angry about everything like Booker.

Lefty- Did anyone do well through your jaundiced eyes?  Shorty- Former HUD Secretary Julian Castro did.  Lefty– Finally some progress.  Shorty- Progressive.

Lefty- How did Washington Governor Jay Inslee do?  Shorty- Who?  Lefty- I guess not so well. Shorty– Was he the one near the far right end of the stage that kept raising his hand?  Lefty- That’s him!  Shorty-  He must have wanted to be excused to go to the genderless bathrooms provided.

Lefty-  This is your last chance.  Did you find it odd that in two hours not one shot was taken at front runner Joe Biden?  Shorty- He likely would not have heard it anyway.  He was probably sleepy eyed by then.

Shorty– One debate in, and America is so done with seven or so of these hopefuls.  Lefty- And, for now, I am so done with you.