Fools Two Days Ago

One of our senior editors fell asleep on the job Saturday.  As a result, the news that may or not be true was not able to be published until this morning.

Not to worry, BBR is a caring organization.  We gave our editor a raise and a pat on the back for a nice try and give you the somewhat late, but still worthy news of note.

Elon Musk announced that the $7/month cost for blue check mark verification would indeed start on April 1st.  Additionally, he announced that beginning May 1 conservatives that subscribe will be paid $7 a month for red check mark verifications citing a need for diversity.  The New York Times said it is now identifying as a conservative organization.

Phillip Morris International owns the Marlboro cigarette brand.  They’re joining M&M Mars and Disney in their efforts to welcome one and welcome all.  PMI announced Saturday that the Marlboro Man campaign has been replaced and new commercials will feature a Marlboro They person.

Joe Biden flew in and sympathized with the citizens of tornado-ravaged Rolling Fork, Mississippi.  He promised that the federal government would do all that it could to help “Rolling Stone” rebuild. He went on to say that April’s Fool Day has always been one of his very favorite days of the year.

Kamala Harris unexpectedly extended her African trip by a day to head out on a safari trip.   On it, she asked guides if lions were female tigers.

St. Peter did his job at the pearly gates.  He told Audrey Hale to “go to hell.”  Alexandria Ocassio Cortez has asked the Department of Justice to open an investigation of St. Peter for a possible hate speech crime.

Mitch McConnell asked House Speaker Kevin McCarthy to begin drafting articles of impeachment against Donald Trump for early 2025 in the unlikely event that he gets elected.

A San Francisco City Council member asked the other members in a meeting if reparations should be considered for all citizens, not just Black ones.  “We embrace and celebrate equality and inclusion in our great city.  To leave out anyone would be against our values,” he/him said.   A vote will be taken next week.

In Oregon drag kings are suing the state for unfair hiring practices.  “Drag queens are getting all of the jobs in our state-funded schools,” a king spokesperson shrieked.  “We only want what is flair, I mean fair,” he concluded.

One other bit of news of note is only a day late.  A freight train derailed in Paradise, Montana, on Sunday.  The train derailed on the banks of the Clark Fork River.  Some of the cars spilled into the river.  Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg, criticized for taking too long to get to the East Palestine, Ohio derailment, contemplated peddling his bike from DC to assess the situation.  Instead, he chartered a private jet and got two tickets to Paradise.

Somewhere Eddie Money is shaking his head over all of this.

 

Pick and Choose

There are some things that you can pick and choose, some that you can’t, and some that you shouldn’t.

For example, you can pick your friends, but you can’t choose your neighbors.

When you go to the movie you can choose your seat, but you shouldn’t pick the seat of your pants.

You can choose a red apple over a Granny Smith green one.  But you can’t pick your granny much less your mom and dad.

Therefore, you cannot pick your genealogy, race, or gender.

But, in the world we live in today, lo and behold, it seems that you can pick your gender even after your gender finalized its identity at the end of two strings of 23 chromosomes each.

Transgender is the T in the LGBTQIA2S+ and seems to be all of the rage and outrage of the day.  At the appropriate age, hopefully at least 18, we suppose if you wish to identify as another sex it is your right to do so.

It’s your life to live, so live it in a way that makes you happy.  Wear a dress if you wish, or stop wearing one if you don’t want to do so.  But when you cross(no pun intended) into gender reassignment surgery after taking medicines made to suppress your normal hormonal development it truly is a different world.

One can only hope that much thought and consideration has been given to the outcome before the outcome is final.  This leads the conversation to who has the right to do what, when, and to whom.

It has long been thought by this writer that the most heinous crimes committed are those that cause children great harm.  They look to parents, teachers, family, community, and government(unfortunately) for leadership.

To indoctrinate youngsters through the education system, put them in the same restrooms, purposely expose them to drag queens, and so on is wrong.  Children are very impressionable.

If a dad throws a baseball to his young son his son wants to grow up to be a baseball player. If a dad dresses a boy like a girl he grows up wanting to be a girl.  On one level it really is that simple.  Who you are is at least half determined by how you are raised.

A child doesn’t have enough common sense or education to drive, vote, etc. but they can choose their gender?  Help us all.

When parents agree to drugs and eventual surgery for an adolescent they have crossed a very serious line.  It might take the dense ones in the crowd 10-15 years to realize the atrocity being committed today.

Thankfully some 19 states now have laws banning various treatments for minors.  It should be 50 and it should be 50 right now.

Some states are banning men from women’s sports.  As an aside, why aren’t women trying to compete in men’s sports?   Why not go to genderless sports?  You know why.

Arkansas enacted a bill yesterday banning transgender students from using the bathroom of their choice in public schools.  It’s a step, but it’s not enough.

For the 14 people who still read USA Today, yesterday they named a transgender lawmaker from Minnesota their “Woman of the Year” alongside Michelle Obama.  Really?

As another aside, what did either do to earn the distinction?  Who cares?  No one is who.

Why even call it a Woman of the Year award if you can be a biological man and be recognized for something that you are not?  Just eliminate the gender part to make sense of this nonsense.

Keep up with the stupidity.  There are plenty of stupid prizes for stupid people.

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown.  Blame yourself for going to the circus.

Kids used to love the circus.  Now, it would be way better if they didn’t see it or get asked/told to be in one of the three rings.

Keep your pronouns(which actually serve as adjectives) to yourself.

And, most of all leave the children out of it.

MAGA, MAFA, MOFO

It seems unlikely that we can Make America Great Again(MAGA).  Elections, 81 million voters, election denials, impeachments, insurrections, and classified documents seem to have derailed the Trump train like the one in East Palestine, OH.

Maybe we could at least Make America Fun Again(MAFA).  It would be nice to wake up with less stress and have a thing or two to smile about.

Cause right now and for the better part of three years it’s been MOFO-no further explanation needed.

If you head to the grocery store and hit double-digit purchases the cash register hits triple-digit costs.  This assumes that what you want is in stock.

Of course, the cost of funding Ukraine’s war makes grocery shopping look like a bargain.  If you oppose the funding half of the citizens label you a Putin/Russia lover.  Never mind that NATO requirements far surpass the way Ukraine is run to consider them joining.

At least Biden is waging war on banks that charge too much when you fail to pay on time.  Never mind that a few are failing.  Bailouts cost depositors beyond 250k nothing when the bank has run out of money.  Rules used to mean something.

Did you want to buy a house?  Interest on 30-year money is 7.3% or about double what it was a year ago.  Did you want to sell your house?  Read the sentence two back from this one.  But, banks can’t make money cause short-term rates make borrowing too expensive apparently.

Minnesota Democrat Lt. Gov. Peggy Flanagan on an executive order “protecting” access to “gender-affirming care” said, “When our children tell us who they are, it is our job as grown-ups to listen and to believe them.”  Remember when it was a child’s job to listen to their parents and believe them?

At least that sounds fun.  You can be whoever you want to be.

If you’re nearing retirement age you can enjoy the fruits of your labor by supplementing the social security check with your 401k savings and earnings.  Well, you can enjoy half as much fruit anyway.

Be happy if you were/are a supporter of the southern border wall that the Trump Administration was building.  The good news is that sections of it and supplies to build it are still there, just resting rusting on land that our government is leasing at a cost of about 130k a day, or just about 50 million a year.  No supply chain shortage there.

The global demand for cocaine has reached record levels as use rebounds following coronavirus lockdowns. North America leads the way in demand for the illicit substance.  Are you surprised?  It flows pretty freely across the border and gives one an escape from all of the above we presume.

At least the China virus that you can’t call the China virus is done.  Isn’t it?  If not, vax and boosters are still free.

Some of the best things in life are free.

Right now, they just aren’t much fun even if Kamala is cackling daily.

Hey MOFO, lets MAFA!

 

 

 

Ten Piece Nuggets

There is never a supply chain shortage of news that gives us pause.  Nuggets follow.

  1. In the “City That Care Forgot” the advice and the adult beverages were flowing yesterday.  As Lent begins, some Mardi Gras partygoers in the Big Easy shared ideas for what President Biden could sacrifice for the 40-day observance.  “His presidency,” one woman visiting from Virginia said.
  2. Can’t almost all of us agree that the optic of Biden following Zelenskyy around like a puppy yesterday contrasted with the black toxic cloud above East Palestine, OH will be used repeatedly by his Republican opposition in 2024?  You can hear Trump. Make America Great Again.
  3. That assumes of course that Biden will run.  He says he is and he says he’ll announce it soon.  Father Time is aggressive and progressive.  Most polls show nearly 3/4ths of all Americans think he should not run.  That’s a significant hurdle.
  4. Of course, if Trump gains the Republican nomination many of those three-fourths will recalibrate how they feel about old Joe.  We’ve said before, Trump running is Biden’s ticket to another four.
  5. Smart folks in the DNC should plan an exit strategy for Biden.  Smart folks in the RNC should plan a do not enter strategy for Trump.
  6. Why is Ukraine’s war our war and our money used to fight it?  If you say it’s for freedom, democracy, or it’s the right thing to do it’s not.  Ukraine is not a democracy.  And, it’s as crooked as it gets.
  7. Twitter types are typing “every day we are getting closer to WW3.”  Elon Musk tweeted back, “For sure.”  Maybe.  There is a long way to go to get there.  There was until yesterday.  The saber-rattling continues to escalate.  Putin suspended his country’s nuclear treaty with us in a speech yesterday.
  8. Back to the train derailment, Pete Buttigieg told a local tv station yesterday that he is “still planning to come to Ohio at some point, but he cannot say when.”  It’s only 18 days and counting.  Ohio is a major piece of the electoral college national puzzle.  Trump visits today.  Pete’s tenure as Secretary of Transportation is captured perfectly by this train wreck, unfortunately.  Hey, but at least we have diversity.
  9. There is no truth to the rumor that Ilhan Omar withdrew support for East Palestine after learning that it’s actually in America.
  10. In the last 10 months, the median price for a home in San Franciso plunged by nearly 33%.  Why?  Interest rates maybe.  Bad publicity probably.  When homelessness goes up, nearby home prices go down.  It’s an ugly fact and an ugly problem.

There’s a remodeling/hammer joke somewhere in nugget #10.  But, for Lent, we’ve given up senseless satirical attacks on the unsuspecting.

No, we haven’t.

A Whole Lotta Love

Love was in the air yesterday on St. Valentine’s Day.  With so much domestic political rancor and global strife it was quite pleasant to see all of the public displays of affection move to the fore even if it was only one day.  It felt like a Hallmark Movie collided with a Harlequin Romance Novel.

If you missed some, or want to relive them, we recap below.

Mitch McConnell told his wife  “I only have four eyes for you!”

President Biden at first misread the teleprompt card that he wrote for Dr. Jill uttering “IfebbohgeottenJillianstasahar.”  He rebounded nicely though throughout and closed strongly with “Happy Cinco de Mayo my love!”

Dr. Jill swooned and asked if next year Joe’s Valentine’s Day present to her could be inviting Fabio to sit in the balcony at the State of the Union address replacing the first second gentleman Doug Emhoff.

Octogenarian Paul Pelosi reaffirmed his love for Nancy.  He penned to her that “he would suit up in a hammerhead shark costume and swim across shark-infested waters just to be with her on the island of their dreams.”

Nancy thanked him via FaceTime from Dr. Terry Dubrow’s office on the set of Botched.

That island of dreams was not Epstein’s.  Though Bill Gates took to Facebook to openly yearn for one more dinner with Jeffery.

Dr. Fauci’s wife weighed in.  She publically boosted her affection for him shouting “after all these years you still make my heart stop.”

Rochelle P. Walensky, MD, the Director of the Centers for Disease Control, tweeted her hubby ” Will you be my o cardi I tis?”   His heart fluttered at the thought.

China continues to court the US sending, in their words, “waun valrentin barroon erry day.”

Karine Jean Claude Van Damn Pierre abruptly ended her presser and jetted off to France to propose to the Eiffel Tower.  Weird?  Yes.  Pronouns to follow.

Alec Baldwin tried to knock the Rust off of his stale relationship with his wife of ten years Hilaria, and took his best shot proclaiming “I’d marry you all over again!”

He’s denying that he’s been cast in the lead role of Married Behind Bars next season.  Guns and Roses is under contract to do the theme song.

Unfortunately, not everything was roses and candy yesterday.  Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg revealed that his relationship with a derailed train in Ohio turned toxic.  He felt the need to clear the air, so he blew it up.

Love and Spring are indeed in the air!

 

 

 

 

 

O Say Can You See?

From the Stone Ages until about 20 years ago we were politically incorrect as a society.  But, like a spy balloon or three, political correctness floated across the nation as century 20 turned to century 21.  And, we were better for it, weren’t we?

Some disagreed.  They started calling those that they felt were over the top “woke.”  Then “woke” was deemed offensive by the politically correct.

If you watched the Super Bowl you might have a new question down this rabbit hole.  As of last evening has “woke” given way to “joke?”

As the San Francisco City Council debates raising money for reparations, the NFL raised eyebrows with the inclusion of the Black National Anthem leading up to the National Anthem(no color or race assigned) that led up to kickoff.

Joe Biden said he would unify our country if elected.  He even hired the (her words) “first openly lesbian black female press secretary.” That she cannot construct a sentence aside, that’s progress.  Don’t get us started on the luggage bandit.  You can only do so much in a short two years.

Does having two anthems unify, or does it segregate?  Unify means to come together as one.  Having two anthems sounds like one more than one.

If you are an Asian American do you feel left out?  Well, if you feel like the national anthem covers your need to feel wanted, you don’t.  If you don’t feel that way then we might need a third anthem.

But, don’t stop now.  Make it four.  Hispanic Americans need an anthem.

Who else?  What about Lesbians? Gays? Bi? Trans?

Do even those who question who they are need one?  “O Say Can You Question?”

Oh, so you think that all LGBTQ peeps identify as one race or another so they would not need one?  Only the close-minded would stop at race when composing and singing anthems.

The Naval flyover as the National Anthem was ending showed historic progress on the diversity, equality, and inclusion front as well.  For the first time in flyover history, it was an all-female pilot team.

Navy Lt. Catie Perkowski was one of them, and she doesn’t seem as impressed.  “What it boils down to is that we trained to do this job together,” she said. “I didn’t join the Navy to be a female fighter pilot. I joined the Navy to be a fighter pilot, so to me, it makes no difference.”

She’s entitled to her opinion, especially since Elon Musk reinstituted free speech.  But, surely men everywhere are offended.  Alas, there is still work to be done.

And, what about changing the name of the area where the pilots sit?

Cockpit?

Not yesterday. At least we think not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Devil & the Deep Red/Blue State

One needs to be underinformed, a conspiracy theorist, savvy, dumb, smart, jaded, or all of the above to believe what is swirling around us these days.

After all, how deep is the red or blue deep state?  It might depend on how deep you look.

If black lives matter, why aren’t the media and the White House condemning the ultraviolent white terror group that just attacked a predominantly black Atlanta city and its police force?  Only the funder and founder of ANTIFA really know.  Take solace in the fact that the protests were mostly peaceful.

Concerned with the now Republican-controlled House, President Biden assured Americans yesterday, “I have no intention of letting the Republicans wreck our economy.”  Nuff said we suppose.

The President’s son keeps popping up as a possible beneficiary of his rental home(his dad’s), the storage location of classified docs(his dad’s), and his last name (his dad’s).  “Hunter was obviously fed detailed information on Ukraine so he could show Burisma why he was worth millions of dollars,” said Senator Ron Johnson(R) of Wisconsin.  Johnson continued, “Was this classified information? Did Joe Biden know about this?”  The $49,910 monthly rent seems excessive at a minimum even in these transitory inflationary times.

Hiding classified documents seems to be as popular as posting a dumb video on TikTok these days.  Vegas will give you +250 that Mike Pence thinks TikTok is the sound emanating from the old Cuckoo clock in his Indiana home’s comfy den.

At least Hunter’s dad is concerned about the health of the commoners.  One of his mouthpieces fed the frenetic folks yesterday.  Busy Joe Scarborough, the MSNBC host of Morning Joe, the lapdog of wife Mika Brzezinski, and water carrier for the Democratic Party, who already got three covid shots and just got a bad case of covid, said yesterday on air he should have gotten his fourth booster to stop this from happening.

Mika sat next to him and scolded him sentence by sentence.  You can’t get enough of these free shots that aren’t free you know?

Meanwhile, if you enter “how do I reverse the effects of spike proteins?” in the Google search bar you’ll get “About 8,790,000 results (0.45 seconds).”  There seems to be some interest there.

Conspiracy theorists on Twitter believe Damar Hamlin should have used the google search bar. They contend he isn’t alive because he has yet to show his face & the NFL allegedly used a stunt double at the game to cover themselves & boost ratings.  This one seems a bit of a reach unless you are a Saints fan still healing from the no PI call four years ago in the NFC Championship Game.

Maybe help is on the distant horizon.  Senators Ted Cruz (R-TX) and Ralph Norman (R-SC) introduced a constitutional amendment yesterday to impose term limits on members of Congress.  This is Cruz’s third attempt after 2019 and 2021 attempts were as effective as Scarborough’s first three jabs.

The bill would limit Senators to 2 six-year terms and House members to 3 two-year terms.  A 2/3rds majority in both houses and 3/4ths of all state senates would need to vote yes to ratify it into the Constitution as an Amendment.  Such an amendment would have put Joe Biden out into the private sector about 24 years prior to his successful run from the basement for Prez in 2020.

Maybe help isn’t on the horizon.  Biden will soon announce that he is running again in 2024.

The orange-faced one who truly believes in the deep blue state has already announced that he is seeking the red side’s nomination for 2024.

Color us jaded.

 

 

 

Changing Times

That was then.  This is now.

During their medal ceremony in the Olympic Stadium in Mexico City on October 16, 1968, two African-American athletes, Tommie Smith and John Carlos, each raised a black-gloved fist during the playing of the US national anthem to show solidarity with oppressed Black people worldwide.  Forty-five years ago it was outrageous behavior to act out for a cause.

Philadelphia Flyers defenseman Ivan Provorov refused to wear a rainbow jersey during warm-ups for the team’s Pride Night for LGBTQ inclusion on Tuesday, citing his religious beliefs.  It’s now outrageous to act out against a cause.

Tommie Smith and John Carlos helped black people in San Fransisco even if it took almost half a century.

The San Francisco African American Reparations Advisory Committee has proposed paying each Black longtime resident $5 million and granting total debt forgiveness due to the decades of “systematic repression” faced by the local Black community.  This is not for slavery as California was never a slave state.  Can anyone who so chooses identify as black?

Ronald Reagan was the last Republican governor in Cali (The Terminator aside) since 1980.  Jimmy Carter was the last Democratic governor in Georgia since 1980.  Cali loses 100s of thousands of residents a year (even with border migration) while Georgia and Florida gain like numbers.

We’ve gone from social gatherings to social media which makes us anti-social.  Who the hell is that ringing our doorbell?

Peace, love, and sit-ins were plentiful to protest the war we had no business being in-Vietnam.

Now we print money that we don’t have to fund the war that we have no business funding-Ukraine.  But if you say that out loud you’re outed as a lover of Russia.

And right on cue, Zolenskyy asked for more funding last evening.  There is no way that any of this money is making its way back to America for any reason is there?

Horses and buggies used to bring representatives to Washington so they could vote and go right back home to tend to their business (likely farming).  Now representatives make a career out of the position and get quite rich doing so thanks to outside interests lining their pockets.

The representatives used to vote for what they felt was right for their constituents.  Now they vote almost always along party lines.  Why?  Money, power, reelection party funding, and committee positions.

Budgets once existed to balance what you wanted with what you could afford.

Tomorrow the national debt ceiling is reached without additional approved funding.  The Dems say this is no time to negotiate any spending reductions.  It was only three weeks ago that they(and enough Republicans) jammed a $1.7 trillion dollar Omnibus Bill through before year-end.  There was little time then as well presumably.

An omnibus bill is a law that covers a number of diverse or unrelated topics in case you wondered.  It’s like going to a buffet.  Take as much of anything as you want.

Free speech was once free.  Elon is trying to get it back that way.

Oh, and as a reminder vaccines are free today as are boosters.  Except they’re not free as the government is paying for them, which means you are.

Crime didn’t pay.  Today it does.  Daily not-so-fine folks walk out of fine stores with thousands and thousands of dollars of merchandise with no repercussions.

The war on drugs sounded promising.  The “Just Say No” campaign sounded promising.   Now we want to release criminals early immediately for nonviolent crimes such as selling drugs.

Maybe the only thing constant is change.  Take the climate for example.  It has always been changing.  Sedona Arizona’s mountains were once hundreds and hundreds of feet below sea level for example.  Today they stand thousands of feet above the dry ground.

But guru Al Gore went on an unhinged rant and told an esteemed group gathered at the World Economic Forum in Davos yesterday that climate change will “boil the oceans.”

That sounds like one hell of a seafood feast.   Take as much of anything as you want.

 

 

 

 

 

And, We’re Off!

If you’re like most you probably needed this past weekend to decompress from the stress of reliving the pain and suffering brought about by the anniversary of Insurrection Day last Friday.

Hopefully, on Monday you weren’t cheering for TCU.  If you were, by Tuesday morning you must have felt like anyone who fought Iron Mike Tyson in the mid to late 80s.  Wait, we are being told as we write that Georgia just scored again.

And then it all hit the fan Wednesday.

First, news broke that Joe Biden, unbeknownst to him he says, stashed away a few classified top secret documents discovered in a locked closet at an office at a Washington think tank, the Penn Biden Center.  Thank goodness the closet was locked.  Typing “Biden” and “think tank” in the same sentence seems odd.

Meanwhile, the entire nation’s air travel was shut down.   The Federal Aviation Administration’s preliminary investigation points to a “damaged database file” in a key system. The agency is still working to determine the root cause of the outage in NOTAM (Notice to Air Missions) which alerts pilots and airports of real-time hazards.  One can hope that they get to the root cause quicker than VP Harris has been able to determine the root cause of the illegal migration problem.

Of course, that problem may be overstated.  Footage shown of Prez Biden walking the border in El Paso Sunday showed not a single illegal in sight.  Weird?  Probably not says WH Press Secretary Karine Jean Claude Van Damme Pierre Toulouse.  She called the lack of traffic “a coincidence.”

The lack of air traffic yesterday probably did not sit well with the Biden Administration’s former Department of Energy official, gender fluid thief Sam Brinton.  No flights mean no moving carrousels.  No moving carrousels mean no incoming luggage to roll out with.

Midday brought the announcement that The University of Southern California’s School of Social Work will no longer use the word “field.” They will replace it with “practicum.”  “Language can be powerful, and phrases such as ‘going into the field’ or ‘field work’ maybe have connotations for descendants of slavery and immigrant workers that are not benign,” the statement read.

At least our government is looking out, as always, for our health.  The US Consumer Product Safety Commission says a ban on gas stoves is on the table as they emit harmful pollutants.

Who knew?  AOC knew.  She tweeted, “Did you know that ongoing exposure to NO2 from gas stoves is linked to reduced cognitive performance?”  Actually, we added the question mark for her.  She may have forgotten it due to reduced cognitive performance.

Speaking of thieves and reduced cognitive performance, Oh Joy Behar defended Biden on The View yesterday.  She said, “We know Donald Trump is a liar and a thief.  We give Joe Biden the benefit of the doubt.”  Fair and balanced.

She may have spoken too soon as she often does.  Biden’s legal team found yet another batch of classified government records in a different location last evening. No worries, they were very likely under lock and key as well.  That the first batch was discovered just weeks before the November midterms and yet kept quiet was probably another one of those coincidences, but we digress.

Will the Feds obtain a search warrant for the White House?

Will Biden ask that we remove the word “White” from “White House?” He might be in his think tank pondering the thought.  USC would be all in.

By nightfall, the FCC put all of the planes on ground halt again.  Surely Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg will get to the bottom of this.  He always does.

Hey, we did get Congress seated.

And misinformation was so 2022.

Twelve days into 2023 we are off and running, just not flying.

 

 

 

Happy Shwanza and New Year, Part 2

Yesterday we laid out the way the first half of 2023 will go.  Today we tackle the last half.  The glass is half full.

July

Prez Biden celebrates our nation’s independence on July 4th with a socially distanced, mask-wearing picnic on the WH lawn.  He reminds America that he was one of the original signers of the Declaration back in 1776.  Aaron Judge suffers a torn patella tendon rounding third on his 49th HR trot, ending the Yankees season and his chase for the single-season all-time record.  One hundred and seventy-five billion in, Zelenskyy gives Biden a stiff arm as China agrees to rebuild Ukraine for considerations TBD.

August

Bette Midler fills in for vacationing WH Press Secretary Joy Behar and actually sings her inept responses.  Texas Governor Greg Abbott files paperwork with the US Government announcing the state’s intent to secede from the country.  Marc Zuckerberg resigns from FB and joins Elon Musk at Twitter sending the lib community into mass hysteria.  Back in March, the National Weather Service predicted 21 named storms by 8/31.  To date, only two have been named.  Kamala says, “climate change is all about climate change and climate change is so bad that it is preventing storms from being formed in this climate.”

September

The San Diego Padres end the MLB season with 111 victories and secure home-field throughout the playoffs.  AOC intros a bill to change Labor Day’s name.  She says, “it’s misogynistic to people who identify as having given birth.”   Tom Brady makes his debut as starting quarterback for the Las Vegas Raiders.  LeBron James tells Cleveland, “I’m coming home for the third time” as the Lakers work out a trade with the Cavaliers for him.  23andMe outs Pete Buttigieg as Pee Wee Herman’s nephew.

October

Canadian PM Trudeau signs a bill banning all guns in Canada.  Stacy Abrams is appointed as Georgia State Election Commissioner.  She pledges to count every vote cast in the great state at least once.  The Houston Astros defeat The NY Mets four games to two and are back-to-back WS Champions.  The buzz in H Town is louder than the one Jose Altuve never wore.  All J6 prisoners are freed when video surfaces of a high-eye-browed Nancy Pelosi saying it was her greatest ruse ever.  Home Depot severs its association with Paul Pelosi the next day saying Nancy’s revelation was like getting hit over the head.

November

Canadian geese no longer migrate and overrun Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver.  The FBI finally releases the last of the JFK files.  They are heavily redacted but have the names Carlos Marcello, Lucky Luciano, and Giuseppe Magliocco up, down, and all around the documents.  Mitch McConnell announces that he had corrective Lasik surgery.  Trading in shares of eyeglass maker companies was halted on Wall St for the remainder of the day.

December

Joe Biden formally announces for 2024.  He beamed, ” Yes, I am running for a second term as Vice President.  Much has been done, but is much is, um, is, well you know the deal man.”  Putin invades Poland with the three tanks he has left.  A ceasefire is proclaimed the next day.  Biden vows to rebuild all of Poland and sends Kamala over there to announce the aid.  She opens her remarks, “It’s so great to be here at the North Pole.”  Santa shakes his head but saddles up the reindeer and rolls the sleigh a day early to beat the next bomb cyclone.

 

We have a lot to look forward to.  See you next year!