boomboomsroom

Two thousand and twenty-three is all but out of the door.  It’s time for our fearless prognostications for 2024.

January

Shortly after the New Year’s Eve ball falls so do the Washington Huskies and the Alabama Crimson Tide.  Joe Biden holds a presser on The Capitol steps on Jan 6 calling the “Resurrection of 2021 a darker day in history than a solar elliptical.”  Steve Sarkisian calls Jim Harbaugh the best I Spy game player that he can ever remember, but admits to having a few years that he cannot remember.  Michigan runs the ball 52 times and beats Texas 30-21 for the BCS Championship.

February

NY Governor Eric Adams converts Central Park into a homeless illegal migrant camp.  Joe Biden excitedly endorses the idea by saying he “was the youngest Eagle Scout leader ever at age seven and loves camping.” Super Bowl LVIII in Vegas is all Baltimore as the Ravens bounce the Cinderella Rams 33-17.  California is hit by a climate change-driven mega bomb cyclone event.  But, the “toilet to tap” water regulation previously approved makes boiling the water unnecessary as it already tastes like $hit.

March

Dylan Mulvaney is hit with a paternity suit.  Vivek Ramswany ends his Republican Presidential nominee campaign and inks a Fox News radio show deal.   The latest COVID-19 variant named 34j.5-maskthis/ 01 hospitalizes four people nationwide, a 100% increase from February.  Purdue cruises to an 87-73 victory over Tennessee and cuts down the Final Four nets.  Karine Jean Claude Pepe Pierre steps down.

April

Biden appoints VP Kamala Harris as Central Park Czar.   LIV golfer Patrick Reed wins his second Masters.  Jim Harbaugh is his caddie.  Harvard President Claudine Gay is fired after accusations fly that her book, Fifty Shades of Black, is rife with plagiarism.  She sues claiming racism is the real cause. Los Angeles Dodger Shohei Otani tears his ACL in game three of the season and is lost for the year.  Pete Buttigieg is not hit with a paternity suit.

May

Hunter Biden puts in an unsolicited bid to buy Epstein Island.  Hunter will own 90% of it, while an unnamed associate will own the other 10%.  First Ukraine Bank will finance the deal.  The first named storm of the year, Anastasia, crashes into Hilton Head Island, SC with sustained winds of 22 miles per hour.  Damages are estimated in the hundreds.  The Texas Rangers and the Houston Astros throw brushback pitch after pitch, then bedlam ensues. The fight is dubbed “The brawl that was worse than them all.”

June

In an announcement that shocks no one, President Biden announces, “I will not see reelection to, um, to, as the Senator.  What am I saying?  To the Vice Presidency. You know what I mean.”  Amtrak sends Joe a replica engineer’s hat.  Gavin Newsom rejects NIL money from Pepsodent Toothpaste and now is running for the office of President.  The New York Yankees fire Aaron Boone and Brian Cashman.   Donald Trump picks Tulsi Gabbard as his VP running mate.  Karine Jean-Pierre, three months removed as the first black lesbian female WH press secretary, signs on as a spokesperson for Clearasil.  The tagline is “I want to be very clear here.”

To check out how our 2023 first six months predictions fared, click here.

Later this week we tackle July through December 2024.