boomboomsroom

Last evening Lefty and Shorty were all but ready to close the Gulf Station.   Rain was falling from the heavens at an accelerating pace, the fog was rolling in and cars were not.  Shorty- Why do we stay open until midnight?  Lefty- So that you and I can discuss the life and times of Jussie Smollett.

Lefty sat to the left of Shorty.  Imagine that.  Shorty sat on the shorter of the two “halves” of the 55-gallon drum. Imagine that.  Each was cut down to size and retrofitted with a soft cushion top.

Lefty-  Can you believe what a bad actor he turned out to be? Shorty-  I canceled Netflix months ago, what did I miss?   Lefty- Umm.  Are you not aware of his arrest?  Shorty- I must have missed the scroll at the bottom of ESPN.    Lefty- Are you from Colorado, cause it seems like you live under a big rock?  Shorty- The Boulder State?  No.  Too cold.

Lefty- Speaking of cold, let me bring you up to speed.  Jussie wrote, produced, directed, and acted in his own attack in Chicago at 4 AM on a freezing, snowy night.   Shorty- Sounds like a believable plot.  Lefty- He paid two black guys $3500 to put on white face and hoods, put a noose around his neck, scream MAGA and the n-word, and attempt to kill him. Shorty- Did they?  Lefty– No.  Shorty- If you want the job done right maybe you hire Alec Baldwin?  Lefty– Too soon.  Way.

Shorty– Why was he out there to begin with?  Lefty- He said he was going to Subway.  Shorty-  That’s dumb. The L train is elevated.   Lefty-  Jeez, not that kind of subway.  Subway Deli, like Eat Fresh!  Shorty- It can’t be too fresh at four AM, can it?  Lefty- Not only not fresh, he and his five-dollar foot long were probably frozen too.  Shorty– Frozen 2!  No way Disney puts him in that movie now.  Lefty- Dear Lord!

Fifteen seconds of utter silence feels like 15 minutes.

Lefty- Well did you at least hear about the trial? Shorty- The Rittenhouse one? Innocent.  Lefty- NO!  The Smollett one. Guilty on five of six charges.  Shorty-  For his final act did he at least take the stand in his own defense? Lefty- Yes.  And, he tried to weave quite the coverup tail.   Shorty- Call him Colonel Nathan R. Jussie? Lefty- I guess we could.  Shorty- What did the prosecution say?  Lefty- You can’t handle the truth.  Shorty-  CNN is not a good movie critic.  They said he was only guilty of “some” charges.  Five of six sounds like “almost all.”

Lefty- His acting career is over.   Shorty- Nah.  Hollywood will need someone to play an SUV in a soon-to-be-made movie.  Lefty- A what?  Shorty- CNN keeps reporting that an SUV ran over parade-goers in Waukesha.  Lefty- How can you “act” like an SUV?    Shorty- I’d start by studying the “mostly peaceful” protesters in a city near you.  Then, I’d consult with Don Lemon daily during the project.

Lefty- I’m OUT!  Lock up.  Shorty-  That’s what they’re going to do to Colonel Jussie.